Been fret with the issues of active voice vs passive voice of English grammar in the past days. A thought occurred to me while i was trying to concoct a true definition of passive voice for our facebook era. I wrote, that passive voice can be likened to the opposite of aggressive voice. It is then, at that moment, i realized a problem besieging the countless young girls today.
Whenever i go to Facebook, i am inundated with all these attractive chicks all seeking me — a man. (See: Facebook Girls.) You know, women, the loving and gentle half of mankind. Why do they have problems in finding a mate these days? I think the ultimate answer is that they've been screwed, bad, by the writing guilds. It all has to do with bad advice of “active voice”.
You see, when you write your profiles in facebook or matebook using active voice, men may mistake you to be a aggressive butcher dyke. Y'know, hirsute, brawny, and can bench press 500 pounds. And real man get scared off thinking you are like that. In order to show your true self, you need to use passive voice.
For example, when filling out what movies you like. Don't say “I like Sex In The City”; that's active voice. Instead, say “Sex In The City made me like it.”. When asked what color you like, “I like pink” will convey the wrong image. Instead, say: “Pink dictates the color of me”. When describing sexual orientation, don't just put “men” or “women”. Put down “submit to men/women is the condition of me”. When stating relationship status, say “taken” or “yet to be taken”. But don't stop at your profiles. Spread passiveness all over your chats and blogs. In all seriousness, this is a aspect of marketing and psychology — topics that are studied by humanity for thousands of years, and big corporations spend millions on advertising research. You want to advertise yourself in the most effective way. Imagine, the ultimate efficiency is that when a man happened upon your facebook, he immediately succumbs to your charm, and start to send you gift cards for shoes.
I would like to give you a example on this passive voice writing style. If you have a blog article, show it me, and i can show you a passive voice version personalized just for you. My fee is very reasonable, at $50 a piece. (your article must be less that 500 words) Paypal me at my email address, and lonely no more.Disqus